Ever wonder how different life would be had you made different choices? You know, the "what if" game. Granted, it can be incredibly depressing, and it is unproductive, but, what if?
What if you had taken that chance? What if you had let go sooner? What if you had not done what you did? How different would life be?
Because I got pregnant so young people often ask me if I regret putting myself in that position. I always answer "no." Thought I would never trade being a mom, I do wish I could provide for him how an older mother would be able to. I wish I was not in school for 3 of his 4 and a half years of life. I wish I made more money but I most definitely do not regret having him. I feel guilty even playing the "what if" game when it comes to my children.
I do have major what if moments I often consider, though. What if I had never married my ex? What if I would have left him after our second son was born when I was starting to see the path things were going down? What if I had not met Matt when I did? Would I have still had the strength to get out of a bad relationship even when I had absolutely no support from my family? What if I would not have gotten pregnant so early in Matt and my relationship? How different would things have turned out?
It is interesting to consider. In ways, it can be like rewinding the "movie" of your life and rewriting the ending. The question I have is, is it a happy ending? Do the past possible alternatives really come to a better final destination than the choices that were already made?
Food for thought.
That desire to see if our lives will have a happy ending is universal, isn't it? So often, we think we're headed toward one, but then the blinders are lifted, and we see that it's time to change our path entirely. I really respect that you're taking stock as you go along and that you're unwilling to stay in a situation if it's not leading you to that happy ending.
ReplyDeleteThe way you ask questions here draws readers into your brain and gives us insight into your thought process. One thing, though: how is this post covering something you're passionate about? I mean, I kind of see it, but I kind of don't...
We all have those decisions we wish we could go back and change. I think those ones are what's shapes who we are in the present. We can never go back and change the past, only learn from it an move forward. Instead of looking back, try looking forward with your "what ifs".
ReplyDeleteWhile this post might not have covered something you are passionate about, it is very personal. I think it is courageous that you can share such personal experiences with others.